so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize