Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
