Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
