you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
