She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
