I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she looked like the before picture.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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