he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
