Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
