is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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