I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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