At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think I died a long time ago.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just pee around me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
