I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
