considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
