you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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