and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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