I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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