Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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