I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
