he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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