Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
