ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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