You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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