i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
