so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
