Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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