It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
