Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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