I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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