I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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