1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
