A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Bring me that man meat
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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