Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
