Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
