im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
