Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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