Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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