i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize