I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
