my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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