im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
