You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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