Cold hands, warm shart.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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