Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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