Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
