Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
