I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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