Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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