I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize