Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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