On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Randomize
