dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
