Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
