thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
