Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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