OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
