dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
