I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
