A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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