I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
