I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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