If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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