You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
