i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
