Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
