So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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