I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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