i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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