Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
