She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Randomize
