just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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