two words: eviction party
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
