Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
