the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
birth control should be required to get into college
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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