he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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